The Mercedes

By Adam Hay-Nicholls

With no shade thrown at the latest Mercedes-Benz EQE SUV in particular, Rowan Atkinson – rubber-faced consonant-articulating genius of Blackadder fame and one of Britain's foremost car enthusiasts – is growing increasingly dissatisfied with electric vehicles. He's been an early adopter, buying the hybrid BMW i8 as soon as it came out, and going fully electric nearly a decade ago.

"Electric vehicles may be a bit soulless, but they’re wonderful mechanisms: fast, quiet and, until recently, very cheap to run," he recently wrote in The Guardian. "But increasingly, I feel a little duped. Electric motoring doesn't seem to be quite the environmental panacea it is claimed to be… I tend to say [to friends] that if their car is an old diesel and they do a lot of city centre motoring, they should consider a change. But otherwise, hold fire for now."

Atkinson goes on to point out that these machines are all inefficiently heavy, and suggests the pricey lithium-ion batteries (for which cobalt mining, in countries like China and the Congo, has been linked to slave labour, FYI) will need replacing every 10 years, which is an exaggeration, but maybe not by much. He compares it to fast fashion, whereby people lease the cars for three years then wipe their hands of them. According to the Mr Bean actor, if you want to be sustainable, buy a £15,000 petrol car and make it last 30 years. And if you want to be really green, buy a classic car and use it as little as possible (by walking everywhere).

All that said, if there's one car that confirms EVs are here to stay, it's the Mercedes-Benz EQE SUV; a machine that sums up the best and – through no fault of its own – the worst of the genre. The E-Class, in one guise or another, has been Mercedes’ chart-topping mid-range saloon for 70 years. The three-pointed star unveiled its first ‘EQ’ car in 2016, an all-electric and more connected version of the regular range. The EQE emerged earlier this year and now, in a nod to consumer trends, Mercedes has launched the EQE SUV as a high-riding version.

Visually it's very similar to the EQS SUV, just a letter difference and a little bit smaller. Equipment and price-wise, though, it's right up there. It's attractive in a functional way; sleek and aerodynamic, but forgettable, like a Dyson hand-drier. There's more wow-factor inside, with stylish, comfortable furnishings and cutting edge design, especially if you choose the hyperscreen option (an £8,000 extra) that turns the entire dash into a digital display. The ‘UX’, or user experience, is the best there is. You can scroll through the mood lighting, plot the sat nav and be directed via the augmented-reality heads-up display, listen to Spotify (or watch TV and play games if you’re in the passenger seat), deal with your WhatsApps and order a Deliveroo, all the while getting a restorative in-seat massage.

It’ll also keep you up to speed with your energy usage and steer you towards a charging station, which won't be that often as the range is decent: 334 miles. It will charge quickly provided you find the right leccy pump (always a game of roulette). And the steering wheel itself feels chunky and luxuriant. It's about the only reminder that you’re in a car and not a spaceship. It feels less like an automobile, more like a state-of-the-art relaxation pod from Avenue 5.

All of which is great if you want to get from A to B smoothly and emerge from the vehicle fresher than you got in. And with rear-wheel steering, available in AMG Line Premium Plus spec, it's very nimble in the city and hides its 2.7 tonne weight on A-roads well. For a lot of people – probably the vast majority of people – this makes it the perfect car. If, though, you enjoy the experience of actually driving, you may find the experience of helming the EQE SUV numb, remote, synthetic and, as Atkinson says, soulless.

It delivers on the most important stuff when it comes to the Mercedes brand: It's quiet, safe, comfortable, fast (0-62mph in 4.9s with the range-topping 500 4MATIC) and fairly prestigious. But it lacks the emotional connection one might have with a fuel-veined Merc, a Patek Philippe watch or, I don't know, a Goyard case. Emotional connection is the key factor in what constitutes true luxury, and there's nothing High Street about the EQE SUV's price point.

There are two choices for UK customers; the 288bhp 350 4MATIC and the 402bhp 500 4MATIC. The base spec 350 starts at £90,560, while the punchier 500 begins at £108,760. That's Range Rover and PHEV S-Class money. It's nearly 30 grand more than the ditto-402bhp all-electric Audi Q8 e-tron 55.

When I think of the E-Class, I think of taxis. The beige-yellow cabs that clutter Berlin, and just about every Uber Exec I’ve ever ordered. I’m sure Merc would argue that the EQE is in another ball-park technologically, and that it's not a replacement for the E-Class. But come 2030, it will be. Taxi Driver's Travis Bickle is going to have to put his fares up if he's to make a profit off the EQE, that's for sure. And captains of industry: wouldn't they prefer a lightly-used Bentley Mulsanne to something that has the air of white goods about it?

As for families, who can afford to spend £100,000 on a runabout? Even among the virtue-signalling Waitrose classes, most would prefer to sink that sum into the deposit on an enviable house or the kids’ education. We’d rather spaff it on a 1961 Facel Vega HK 500, and we strongly suspect Rowan Atkinson would, too.