‘Transformers: Rise of the Beasts’: Better without Michael Bay

The question is not whether the new Transformers movie is good or bad, but whether it is really a Transformers movie. "Transformers: Rise of the Beasts" is and isn't a Transformers movie.

Yes, the word "Transformers" is in the title, and it does center on giant talking alien robots hiding out on Earth by masquerading as vehicles: a semi truck, a yellow Camaro, a motorcycle and, as the film gets underway, a wisecracking silver Porsche voiced by Pete Davidson. His character, Mirage — a funny, likable goofball who can create multiple hologram-like illusions of itself — is a new one, sort of, to the film franchise, having appeared only once before, in director Michael Bay's 2011 "Transformers: Dark of the Moon," where he was called Dino and voiced by someone else.

Speaking of Bay, the creator of the now-seven-film Transformers series, known for his loud, bloated action epics, receded into a producer role after the fifth film, handing over the reins for 2018's "Bumblebee" prequel to Travis Knight ("Kubo and the Two Strings") and for this one to Steven Caple Jr. ("Creed II"). Both "Bumblebee" and "Beasts" are not just under two hours long — a shocking development for a series that was edging toward three hours with 2014's "Transformers: Age of Extinction" — but also prioritize character and story.

Kinda.

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Set in 1994, and a direct sequel to "Bumblebee," "Beasts" is certainly more violent and chaotic than that 1987-set story, a reboot of sorts after the series jettisoned stars Shia LaBeouf and Mark Wahlberg. But "Beasts" does focus on the relationship between Noah (Anthony Ramos), one of its human heroes, and his sickly little brother Kris (Dean Scott Vazquez). At the start of the film, Kris is seen wearing a Power Rangers T-shirt — like Transformers, another property of the Hasbro toy company, whose name is the first thing you see when the movie starts. (Note: "Beasts" also closes with a teaser hinting at a crossover film with a third well-known Hasbro toy line/movie franchise so exciting to fans at a recent screening that a collective gasp could be heard. So yes, this new movie is one long commercial, making it, at least in that sense, a bona fide Transformers movie.)

But it also features Kris saying "bros before hos." Sure, it's a laugh line, but one that flew over the heads of some kids at a recent screening, one of whom could be heard to loudly ask his adult guardian, "What did he say?" after everyone else over 10 laughed. Members of the target demographic for a Transformers movie are, generally speaking, small enough to fold their entire little bodies onto the seat cushion of a modern movie theater recliner — and I can guarantee you they aren't reading this review.

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But for anyone who is, a quick synopsis: While Noah is out stealing a car to raise money for his brother's medical treatment, he encounters Mirage, who leads him to the rest of the Autobots, as these mechanized heroes are known. It appears that something called a transwarp key — or at least part of one — has been located: an ancient power object that can either (a) help the good bots get back to their home planet of Cybertron or (b) assist some other evil bots, called Terrorcons, in thrall to a "vile god" named Unicron, to open up wormholes to other planets, like Earth, that they can lay waste to.

I never felt more stupid than typing that last sentence. But let the fun begin!

Noah teams up with a budding archaeologist (Dominique Fishback) and his new friends, and they’re off to Peru to find the lost piece of the transwarp key and save the world, with a Terrorcon named Scourge (voice of Peter Dinklage) in hot pursuit. (As Noah jokes, this is some serious Indiana Jones stuff here.) It's in the jungles of South America that they meet the Maximals: a menagerie of animal robots voiced by Michelle Yeoh (in the form of a falcon), Ron Perlman (gorilla) and others, who will assist them in their battle. The Maximals don't exactly transform in the same way that the Autobots do, but they do, er, maximize, in the parlance of the film, into more battle-ready forms.

It's cool, I guess.

Look: This film, like the others, will surely find its audience. And that audience ain't me. If your reading skills are strong enough that you’ve made it this far, it probably ain't you either.

On the one hand, "Beasts" is a refreshing departure from the Michael Bay era: a sometimes funny, sometimes touching, sometimes incoherent CGI fight fest structured around a story of family, found and otherwise, and starring a diverse cast. But it's still, despite a few mildly grown-up jokes, a quintessential Transformers film in one inescapable way. It should come with a different sort of content advisory: No one over 21 admitted without their inner child.

PG-13. At area theaters. Contains intense sequences of sci-fi action/violence and strong language. 117 minutes.